a quick 1

ok im gonna try 2 write up a quick one before i get sum last minute reading done, then my day can finally end. itz been kinda stressful this week cuz i have my first finance exam this thursday. im really nervous about it cuz i think thatz the one class that i'm struggling in. actually scratch that. my social change class is pretty tough too. but my finanace class, this is the second time im taking it. sometimes i wonder why im even majoring in business. im horrible at math & numbers. yet business is the only thing that i've ever been interested in. i think one day it'll work itself out. ive gone this far already, im not starting over or turning back. anyway, once again, my bday was a success i guess i could say. another year has gone by, and i've learned alot. when i look back, i just cant believe how fast it all went by and how much has changed. my bday made me see a lot of things and saw who was really there for me too. that's all im going to say about that. i think i've grown a lot within the past year. a lot of changes. im no longer the party girl i once was. sometimes, i miss it, but definitely not on a daily basis like i used to. i miss going out, drinking, partying til dawn, dancing the night away. i dont miss the throwing up, hangovers, raunchy fellaz at tha club. but there's more to life then partying every weekend. theres not much to do in az, but on some friday or saturday nights i think i have more fun just chillin on my patio w/ a drink, talkin to friends over a night out. doesnt sound like me at all. but thatz the way it is now. or u can find me at church on sundays then at the library doing homework. with that said, school & work are once again taking over my life. i dont think work is supposed 2 be stressful. but ever since my sister left, i feel so stressed at work. i was kind of upset, cuz they never warned me or anything that i'd be taking over her position. so i never got trained on it. so imagine it, im doing my job and hers. and pretty much not knowing what tha hell im doing when it comes to hers. but anyway, im learning slowly as i go along. im really hoping that it'll get easier as i go. but im just super stressed right now w/ work. when it shouldnt be like that. school on the other hand, i have exams coming up. which always stresses me out. but then thats school.. itz supposed 2 be stressful. this is what my whole life consists of pretty much. itz a good and bad thing to me, because it keeps me busy so i dont have to worry about all the other bs thatz going on in my life. im always thinking about so many things. not always good. but lately, i havent even had time to do that. sacrifices... which is what ive had to do a lot of, to get my shit together. if i ever wanna finish this. i cant afford 2 slack on this shit anymore, bc i dont wanna be in school forever. instead of working more hrs, making more money, my gym time, etc. i spend it reading, doing homework. i barely even have time to watch tv. but anyway, im gonna quit bitching now. i wanna write more, cuz i have a million more things on my mind. but once again, no time. peace out & god bless..

Me, Myself, And I

so ever since i started school again my life has been pretty busy. itz very overwhelming. and stressful at times, but at the same time i like it too because it keeps me occupied so i dont worry about everything else going on and i dont feel so alone or lonely. ive been trying not to procrastinate as much but the work is pretty overwhelming. especially my english class. we have homework due every tuesday and thursday and itz usually 3 assignments each time. work overload. and my finance class.... dam.. the first day was prolly the only day that i actually understood anything going on. after that i got so lost. i'm taking this class over bc i got a D on it the first time i took it.but now im getting kind of worried bc i feel so lost and i dont really understand anything going on. im one of those people who dont really like asking for help. i wanna figure it out on my own. im stubborn like that. but im running out of tim trying to figure it out. bc we have our first quiz on thursday. so im a little worried about it. the teacher is better than last semester's. but he still moves pretty fast paced. i only have 2 days to figure it out. i also have a rough draft due for my english class next tuesday which i have no idea wat im gonna write about for that either. and i need 2 figure it out soon, cuz i dont wanna spend next sunday night stressing about it. anyway, so itz been quiet lately bc ive had tha last 4 days off. friday we didnt really have any work for me to do so they gave me the day off and i had today off too bc of labor day. 4 whole days. if i knew sooner i woulda planned a vacation. but anyway, itz nice to finally have time off but itz kinda lonely too. as u know ive been keeping myself busy A LOT. i dont remember the last time i actually felt depressed, lonely, sad, alone or anything like that for a long time. i think this past weekend was when it finally hit me for tha first time in so long. now im getting a headache thinking about all of this. everyone was w/ their boyfriends this weekend. everyone was doing their own thing. i spent the last 4 days by myself. it was lonely. i havent felt like this in a long time. which is y i dont exactly like having time off. i think ive been burying myself in my work and school so i dont feel so lonely. and itz been successful. i even came 2 the conclusion that maybe i dont even have time for boys. most of my friends know me. they know that i've been wanting a relationship for so long. this weekend, it would've been nice to have one instead of being by myself. i spent tha night at my moms the other night. and it was nice, it helped a little. made me think about when i used 2 live at home. this takes me back 2 a sermon that the father at my church was talking about one time. how we depend on others. we depend on our families, boyfriends, girlfriends, kids, jobs. but in the end, we just have ourselves. think about it, how about if ur job doesnt work out, and u lose ur job, what will u have? how bout if god forbid, ur family's not there anymore one day, how about if ur relationship ends? i always say that in the end u always have ur friends, but u cant depend on them either, bc we all live our own lives. u learn to depend on no one but urself. bc in the end, ur not gonna let urself down. and u'll always be there for urself. itz also called being independent. this is what it would be like if i lived by myself. without a roommate. one day. i need 2 think about that. cuz of course, eventually itz going to happen. everyone knows i hate being by myself. itz lonely and boring. but u just need 2 keep yourself busy. theres a million things to do in the world. it makes me think of that song by mj-u are not alone, i am here with you... ive been reading this book called the courage of faith. im only on the second chapter, but a lot of things have stuck out so far. faith gives us the courage to face our own shortcomings. courage is not just about not being afraid, but also knowing what to fear-plato. courage, like archery, take practice-aristotle. gotta get sum work done now or ill never sleep. peace out & god bless.