break..

guess what? its almost christmas! aka my favorite holiday. =) i think im only like half way done w/ my xmas shopping. i hate the malls around this time. especially on the weekends. anyway, so my winter break has officially started. yeaaaaa.. lol. well for now. my winter session class starts on dec. 29. so i guess i get a break for a few weeks. its weird because im so used to having homework due on tuesday, thursday & sunday nights. so its weird not being stressed for once. im trying 2 find a second job. maybe to do on friday & saturday nights. but i havent really found anything i liked yet. im kinda pscyhed cuz i finally get to start working out again. 4 days a week at least. and it starts on monday. for sure. im gaining weight in all the wrong places. and its gross. im also trying to plan a trip or something while im on break too. might as well take advantage of it. now would be a good time to have a bf in my life. i actually have time to do stuff. anyway, the last guy i was talking to. man, that was a mess. it was a hot & cold "relationship". "baby, i want u 2 introduce me as ur bf, baby i miss u all the time, baby i care about u, baby i want u 2 be my gf" blah blah blah. actions speak louder then words man. a part of me wanted a relationship, a part of me didnt know what i wanted. i felt like he was another waste of time. he continued 2 message me later, and i was like who is this? people, if i dont hear from u after a certain time, i delete u. its simple as that. seriously, what's the point of having someone's number that u dont even talk 2 anymore. anyway, i haven't been in a relationship in years. sometimes i miss it. sometimes i don't. moments like this i do miss it. because of christmas & seeing all my friends in relationships. makes me miss those moments of having someone. but hey, im not gonna get all emo, and cry about it. relationships are important 2 me. and im not the type of girl who would put my bf second. i see a lot of people take their relationships for granted. i see when couples fight about the little stuff. and its not worth it. i think about the past & how i used to do that. and its not worth it. y sweat the small stuff? life is so dam short. my mom & grandma think that getting married, having a boyfriend, or having kids is so important. they ask me everytime i come home whether or not i have a boyfriend yet. which is y i dont come home a lot. it annoys the hell out of me. if i had a bf dont u think i'd tell u? i dont have anything 2 hide. so my mom read my palm last week & was like ur gonna get married late. thank god. im not ready for that shit. marriage is the last thing on my mind. i wanna finish school 1st, have a good job. i think i'd want 2 be w/ the guys for at least 3 years or more before even discussing marriage. everyone wants to get married now and have kids. but i keep wondering, whats the rush? if u love him, and he loves u, then what's the rush? hes not going anywhere, and ur not going anywhere. dont u want to get 2 know each other? and the whole living 2gether thing before marriage too. ive already been through that. i dont think i could do it again. not until im married. im not saying the first time was a mistake. but i learned a lot from it. i need my own space. and i would want him to have his own space. its hard 4 me to get my stuff done when im w/ my bf 24/7. so let me have my space. then ill come see u after. whats wrong w/ that? but then again, i say all this now, but who knows what will happen once i actually get into a relationship. it might be different then. but thats just how i see it now. i dont wanna make the same mistakes again. and i definitely dont wanna rush into anything. every single guy ive talked to has all been the same. it makes me not even want to date anymore. im serious. i feel like its so much work and i just get the same results everytime. i get messages from guys all the time in my inbox. "ur so hot, ur so sexy, here's my number, im diff. from the rest of them, u can trust me" blah blah blah.. please....if u were me, u'd be tired of it too. this blog sucks. im usually better at writing then today. its weird, because when i actually have time 2 sit down and write, i cant get it all 2gether.