Happiness

Honestly, I don’t think that anyone in this world is ever completely happy. If they say they are I still think they’re lying and wouldn’t believe them. When was the last time I was completely happy? I don’t really remember. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness. Sometimes I feel like my life is incomplete and that something’s missing. A lot of you are probably thinking its probably because I’m single. And don’t have that special someone in my life. But I think that’s only part of it. I don’t think I’d say anymore that I’m unhappy. But I don’t think I’ll reach closer to that happiness until I succeed in reaching my goals. One of them is finishing school. I’ve become way more serious with this and have made it one of my top priorities. And that’s the way it should have been in the beginning. Y the sudden change? Because I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to work at the same job for the rest of my life. I don’t want to have to worry about money for the rest of my life. I don’t want to feel unsecure about that. I want to have my career. So that one day I can encourage my kids to do the same. if they want to give up I can say that I never did and I kept pushing even though I wanted to give up. But I didn’t. I want to say I worked hard to get where I am and that it definitely paid off. Why should we all settle for less? That’s what going to school is for. That’s why you need an education. Where are you going to go being a basketball player, or an actress, or rapper. What happens if you get injured playing, and can never play again, then what? What happens, if your career as an actress ends, then what? Having a degree means that you’ll always have a job. I admire everyone that goes to school. Because that means they want to do something with their life. Another thing is, I’ve given up a big part of the party life I used to have. I used to party so much, and ended up going to school part time, dropping all of my classes. And by the end of the semester I’d only be taking one class that I got a C in. if u do the math, and I keep going at it that way, how long would it take me to graduate? And at what cost? School’s not exactly cheap. That’s made me think a lot too. I don’t want to be in major debt by the time I graduate. I used to party Wednesday to Saturday til 7 or 8 in the morning. Ditch school or go to school with a hangover. I can’t do that anymore. not only was it killing my liver, but my body felt weak too. There’s more important things than partying all the time. You can do that any time. It’ll always be there. Another thing that might be why I’m not completely happy is because I haven’t exactly found anyone that “completes” me I guess u can say. As cheesy as that sounds. I guess I’m kind of picky. Everyone says I need to stop talking to these losers, or dating these losers. You guys act like I KNOW that they will be a loser. Its not like I’m going to ask them that. And know when I first meet em. But I haven’t found anyone that’s worth my time. They’ve all been the same type of guys. All after me for the same thing. And I don’t have time for that. Most of them play games and I don’t have time for that either. I never really understood that. Love isn’t a game. You either like the person or u don’t. its that simple. And if u like them, well then do something about it. Like I said in my last blog, I’m not exactly sure what I want anymore. after “dating” or should I say “hanging out” with this recent guy it makes me think of a lot of things. It’s a very hot and cold situation. Which is very frustrating to me. However its good and bad. Obviously I have some sort of feelings for the guy otherwise I wouldn’t care so much y he’s so cold sometimes. But then the other part, I’m so busy most of the time, that I don’t even have time to care. Which sounds really bad too. I cant win. What’s a girl to do. It’s a good and bad thing being single. U don’t have to stress about all the drama. No getting into arguments. And I can focus more in school and not have to be thinking about a guy the whole time. Yet, I miss it sometimes. I miss having someone there for me. And someone to talk to. It’s a lonely and incomplete feeling at times. But I’ve been learning slowly to be stronger emotionally. That was always a weak point.