end of an era

everytime i think of my best friend moving away i think of that episode of friends where rachel moves out because chandler moves in with monica. i cant believe how much has changed and that this is really happening. work and school has been doing an awesome job at keeping my mind preoccupied so i dont have to think of it as much. but in the back of my mind its still there. in probably two weeks or less my best friend and her daughter are moving away. it makes me so sad just to think about it. people always tell me, how do u think we felt when u left. yes i understand that. but she had someone. she wasnt alone. yes i have my friends. but in the end, u really only have urself if u really think about it. i have friends, but there are days that i go without talking to anyone. sometimes i go weeks without seeing anyone. my bff said something to me at one point that really made me think. she said that, susan, if it wasnt for u, a lot of friendships would’ve been left in the dust. u always make the initiative to keep in touch with people or hang out with people even if they just leave u hanging. which is true. i think a big part of it is because i dont have many friends, so the ones that i do have, i cherish the friendship a lot. when u get into a relationship, u tend to get so wrapped into it, u forget about ur friends or u dont talk or see them as much. and im not saying im no angel. because ive definitely been there. but i think ive learned my lesson. ur friends are always gonna be there for u in the end. whos there for u through ur breakups? whos the one to comfort u when ur crying or sad? anyway, i really am sad to see my best friend leave. its a 10 yr friendship. shes the one person that i can talk to about anything. shes one of those friends that when its dead silent, its not awkward. or the one where i can just sit around with and do nothing. we’ve both changed a lot. gone a long way. i think this will really change things. i’ve moved around a lot since i was younger. and its always been so hard for me to keep in touch with my friends. i still really try to keep in touch with a lot of friends but its not the same. u just lose touch. u talk like once every few months. if even that much. or u send a text here and there. or u leave a comment. its definitely not the same. and thats what im afraid of. other than that, ive never really lived by myself before. we’ve been roommates for a yr and a half now maybe? its scary but at the same time, exciting. u know how u see those people, who are popular, and theyre always surrounded by people. yea im definitely not one of those. even on my birthday. i was surrounded by people who cared enough about me to celebrate with me. and deep down, i still felt so lonely and sad. that feeling has been stuck with me for so long now. thats where work comes in. but, your work should be something ur passionate about and like doing, not a place u go to when ur love life sucks. i guess i dont really have a choice. i just deal with it one day at a time. its amazing how much ur emotions can come out when ur drunk. i dont think she sees it the way i see it. it probably means more to me then it does to her. i think she sees it as, oh im going to start a new life with my fiance. its new and exciting. she doesnt see it as leaving all her friends and family and life behind. anyway, ill live. im out.