time

time is so precious. it kinda scares me how quickly it flies by. honestly, during the week, sometimes i dont even know what day it is. sometimes, when friday rolls around i dont even realize it's friday. i feel like there's not enough time. especially during the week. i dont like it. sometimes i really wish i could freeze time just so i can get more work done. anyway, so an update on my so called life. i finally moved into my new place. it was a pain in the ass. i hired movers. but who knew it was so much dam work actually unpacking and decorating. u would think me being a girl i would love decorating. but i hate it. i pretty much gave up. next time, im just going to hire someone to do all this shit. thank god for friends. i had some friends give me ideas and go w/ me to pick out stuff. myself, i'm not handy at all. and i realized that when i started putting shit together. i put my coffee table together. what an accomplishment huh. i had a bookcase and also an end table to do. and i got so frustrated because i couldnt get it together. and im the type of person who likes to do everything on my own. i dont like asking my friends for help because i dont wanna be a hassle. but that's what it ended coming down to. i was disappointed in myself for not being able to do it on my own. but i guess sometimes its not that bad asking for help. and if they're ur friends then they shouldn't mind. there's some parts of my place that still need decorating but im tired of it. so whatever. living on my own is... different. during the week its not that bad because i'm usually not even home. when i am home i spend the time doing work. but on the weekends, it gets lonely. i spend it running errands. but when i am at home, its lonely. honestly, i miss my best friend and her daughter. it's definitely not the same. i really hope she's happy over there. school's been ok. my grades so far are better than last semester for sure. except i got some really bad news the other days. that just made me lose all hope on everything. my advisor calls me. they never call. so i knew it was bad. basically i put in a second petition to retake my finance class for the 3rd time. the girl was like why did u do that. we still have ur first one. didnt u check the outcome. i was like, no. she said well u should've checked on it. then she said, basically we have to see how u do this semester, then u have to do well in ur two accounting classes then MAYBE we'll approve ur petition to retake this finance class. and she was like it's not looking good for u, maybe u should consider a different major. i was so dam upset. ive always struggled in my major and if i continue to stay in it who knows how long it'll take for me to finish and i'll continue to struggle. on friday i spoke to another advisor, and i felt so much better, and i felt like the weight has finally been lifted. before i was majoring in business admin. now i changed it to BIS. which means i'll be majoring in business and sociology. the good news is i'm done w/ all my general classes, except i just need one more math & science. after next semester i'll be done w/ all my sociology classes. then i can just focus on business and hopefully i should be done by fall 2011. thats if i take a full load from now til then. it'll be really tough but i think i can do it. honestly, if i had it my way, i wouldn't even go to school. i dont like school. but i'm doing it for my mom. i dont want to be the failure in the family. and she struggles so much and she does so much for me. i want to be able to give her everything. no matter what it takes. and i've gotten this far, quitting is just not an option in my book. anyway, its crazy how much life is so much easier when there are no guys involved. its so dam lonely. but at the same time, there's no drama. and i can actually concentrate in school. maybe that's why god won't throw me a bone in that department. ive been crushing on the same guy for over a year now, and he still doesn't even know i exist. im invisible in his eyes and im just like the rest of them. i dont like telling people about it, because they just laugh at me when i tell them i like this guy that i've never even met. it makes my day when he comments on my posts sometimes. im the type of girl that appreciates the little things. they tell me, how r u supposed to meet someone if u dont date. then they tell me, dont look for a guy, let him come to u. so which is it people? shit. i dont wanna date. i wanna skip all that drama and just jump into the relationship. its such a long process that leads up to that. anyway, i miss my idaho girl. she moved to portland and i've always wanted to go there. but it's hard since her brother lives there. awkward. she reminds me of me. minus the emo side and she's more wild than i am. but she's my partner in crime and we're definitely trouble together. work has been crazy lately. there's so many changes going on and it kinda scares me. its exciting but at the same type scares me. i dont like being out of the loop and not knowing whats going on. everything has been so secretive. my co worker, which i call my friend now, will ask me, so what kind of guy am i looking for. and it's hard to explain but at the same time it's pretty straight forward. on one hand, i want someone who shares the same interests as me but on the other hand i want someone who's the exact opposite to show me things that i never knew existed. to keep it exciting. someone with a good personality. someone who will go to church with me, someone who understands that its not all about them, but it's about both of us. communication is important. someone who understands that i live a busy life. but will always make time for him. sounds like too much to ask apparently. well whoever he is, he doesn't live in az. they're all the same here. eventually i want to move back to cali. once im done w/ school, im out. it's going to be tough to leave my family. but how else will i be happy. everyone has their own life. in the end, im on my own. in the words from a bronx tale-nobody cares..