i should’ve titled this blog stressed!
can’t believe how much has changed in just two months. let’s start off
with work. I’ve been working side by side w/ my sister for the past
year. She decided to take on a new job and head into a direction into
doing something that she went to school for. I’m very happy and knew
this day would come. But at the same time I was extremely sad that she
had to leave. Not only do I not get to see her and talk to her everyday,
but she’s the best co worker i’ve ever had. It’s been extremely
exhausting, overwhelming, busy, and stressful at the office since she
left. We hired this lady, and it’s bad enough that she only got one day
of training w/ my sister, but she’s not very computer literate. She
didn’t even know how to minimize a window or what internet explorer was.
She’s been working with us for two weeks already and i feel like things
that she should have down already she still has to have me look over
all of it. It’s exhausting re checking all of her work, doing my
sister’s old duties, and doing my job. & this feeling is starting to
take over my life. If i’m not at work i’m thinking about work and
worrying about work so it’s starting to really stress me out. I feel
that i think about my job maybe like 50-60 percent of the time. when i’m
not there I mean. Not only has this been stressing me out, but i think
it’s because at the same time, I almost feel like i’ve been letting my
bosses down. Like I haven’t been at my full potential or something. I
don’t know. it’s kind of hard to explain. To top it off, i’ve been
financially struggling. My student loans are kicking in in a few weeks
and i’m starting to freak out. It’s come down to the fact where i might
actually have to consider getting a roommate or a second job, or both.
I’m struggling, and i feel that this isn’t something that i should be
feeling at my age in my life. I should be comfortably financially
stable. Everyone is pushing me to ask my boss for a raise. & i
wouldn’t want to ask them unless i really needed it. But i feel that
it’s too soon so i’m just unsure as to how they’d feel about it since my
last one was in March. But i dont really know what other option i have.
anyway, on to more interesting things. me and the “man friend” made
things official last month at my friend’s wedding. finally! lol. jk. i
was actually kind of shocked. but it was just kind of the perfect moment
at the same time since we were at the wedding and it was all romantic
and shizz. since then, i feel that everything is good between us. i do
struggle w/ the relationship sometimes, especially during the week,
because once again i’m just not used to this type of relationship. not
getting that constant attention, not seeing and talking to him all the
time. it’s a good and bad thing really. bad because i struggle with it,
and i miss him very much everyday. but good, because it let’s us both
have our own space and to live our own separate lives. i really like
this one a lot. and i really, really, really hope that this one goes
somewhere. long term i mean. it’s just, at my age, i don’t have time for
games anymore, starting over is never fun, and eventually in the future
i want a family and kids. i’m not getting any younger. i really hope he
feels the same way about me and wants the same things. i dont really
know if he knows how much i’m into him or care about him. the
relationship is still really fresh though. we’ve only known each other
for almost 4 months but been officially together for almost 2. so i
think we both just want to take things slow and take a day at a time i
guess. we’ve both been scarred, so there’s always that fear of getting
hurt. anyway, so last weekend, my best friend came out here. gosh i
missed her. i haven’t seen her since like march i think. it’s always so
hard saying bye to her and her kid. i miss having her here so much. i
miss having her as a roommate. it just sucks not having her here. it
just makes me so sad. but what can u do. she’s doing what makes her
happy and in the end that’s all that matters.
