sad

i need to get up @ 5:45 am tomorrow so i'm gonna make this a short one. i've been sitting here looking at my book for the last hour and haven't gotten anything done. i'm horrible at studying. i dont know how people go 2 the library for hours and just sit there and read a boring book about chemistry or something. its hard for me to focus especially on something that i don't enjoy. but shit needs 2 get done. so tonight is my first night w/o my roommate and her daughter. and its hard. good news?i went the whole day without crying. lol. yesterday was so hard for me. i really wanna cry just thinking about it. no matter how much i drown myself in my work and school, deep down if something's bothering me, at the end of the day it hits me when i have any free time to actually think about it. so my bff's family had her going away party for her yesterday. u guys know me. i'm not very sociable. lol. never have been. im pretty quiet, and shy, the loner girl. plus all i could think about was them leaving today. at the end of the night, vp tells me that sadie's not coming home w/ me and she's staying w/ her sister that night so vp can clean the apt and her room. so basically i had 2 say bye 2 sadie in front of her entire family and everyone saw me cry my dam eyes out. how embarrassing. i told her how much i love her and that i'm gonna miss her. its sad, because she's so young and she has no idea she's not gonna see any of us for a while. she's like, susan, why are u crying. i told her, because i'm not going to see u anymore. she said, why? i said, because ur moving to new mexico. i couldn't stop crying. cried on the way home. cried before going to bed, crying now. ugh. it hit me hard because they're basically family. its one thing to be best friends for 10 yrs, then to live together for the past year and half. u grow even closer. saying bye to my best friend this morning was hard. there was a million things i had to say to her. and when it came down to it, all i said was, im gonna miss u guys. and don't become a stranger. and i told her i'll most likely become an alcoholic. surprisingly i didn't cry. i remember when i was at her party last night, every1 made me feel so much worse. every other person was asking me, "so whats going to happen to u now" what are u gonna do? i feel like we were the kids in superbad. whats going to happen to u guys? is this the end? what the hell people. i really dont think me and veronica were gonna live together for the rest of our lives.lol. i very much dislike goodbyes. i really wanted 2 stay late at work today cuz i really didn't wanna come home to an empty apt. there's nothing in my living room besides my tv and dining room table. i walked into her room and it was so empty. sad. its too quiet in here. i miss sadie so much.i really wonder what my friend is thinking. i wonder if she's sad? you'd think i'd know how shes feeling after knowing her for 10 yrs. but she's unpredictable. i need 2 get a puppy..