Me, Myself, And I

so ever since i started school again my life has been pretty busy. itz very overwhelming. and stressful at times, but at the same time i like it too because it keeps me occupied so i dont worry about everything else going on and i dont feel so alone or lonely. ive been trying not to procrastinate as much but the work is pretty overwhelming. especially my english class. we have homework due every tuesday and thursday and itz usually 3 assignments each time. work overload. and my finance class.... dam.. the first day was prolly the only day that i actually understood anything going on. after that i got so lost. i'm taking this class over bc i got a D on it the first time i took it.but now im getting kind of worried bc i feel so lost and i dont really understand anything going on. im one of those people who dont really like asking for help. i wanna figure it out on my own. im stubborn like that. but im running out of tim trying to figure it out. bc we have our first quiz on thursday. so im a little worried about it. the teacher is better than last semester's. but he still moves pretty fast paced. i only have 2 days to figure it out. i also have a rough draft due for my english class next tuesday which i have no idea wat im gonna write about for that either. and i need 2 figure it out soon, cuz i dont wanna spend next sunday night stressing about it. anyway, so itz been quiet lately bc ive had tha last 4 days off. friday we didnt really have any work for me to do so they gave me the day off and i had today off too bc of labor day. 4 whole days. if i knew sooner i woulda planned a vacation. but anyway, itz nice to finally have time off but itz kinda lonely too. as u know ive been keeping myself busy A LOT. i dont remember the last time i actually felt depressed, lonely, sad, alone or anything like that for a long time. i think this past weekend was when it finally hit me for tha first time in so long. now im getting a headache thinking about all of this. everyone was w/ their boyfriends this weekend. everyone was doing their own thing. i spent the last 4 days by myself. it was lonely. i havent felt like this in a long time. which is y i dont exactly like having time off. i think ive been burying myself in my work and school so i dont feel so lonely. and itz been successful. i even came 2 the conclusion that maybe i dont even have time for boys. most of my friends know me. they know that i've been wanting a relationship for so long. this weekend, it would've been nice to have one instead of being by myself. i spent tha night at my moms the other night. and it was nice, it helped a little. made me think about when i used 2 live at home. this takes me back 2 a sermon that the father at my church was talking about one time. how we depend on others. we depend on our families, boyfriends, girlfriends, kids, jobs. but in the end, we just have ourselves. think about it, how about if ur job doesnt work out, and u lose ur job, what will u have? how bout if god forbid, ur family's not there anymore one day, how about if ur relationship ends? i always say that in the end u always have ur friends, but u cant depend on them either, bc we all live our own lives. u learn to depend on no one but urself. bc in the end, ur not gonna let urself down. and u'll always be there for urself. itz also called being independent. this is what it would be like if i lived by myself. without a roommate. one day. i need 2 think about that. cuz of course, eventually itz going to happen. everyone knows i hate being by myself. itz lonely and boring. but u just need 2 keep yourself busy. theres a million things to do in the world. it makes me think of that song by mj-u are not alone, i am here with you... ive been reading this book called the courage of faith. im only on the second chapter, but a lot of things have stuck out so far. faith gives us the courage to face our own shortcomings. courage is not just about not being afraid, but also knowing what to fear-plato. courage, like archery, take practice-aristotle. gotta get sum work done now or ill never sleep. peace out & god bless.