overwhelmed

my head feels like it's about to explode. i've been so overwhelmed with everything that's been going on. i dont even know where to start. my homework is just sitting here waiting for me get started on it. but i'm procrastinating as usual. so first off, school. i changed my major once again. i've been majoring in business since the beginning of time. it's what i always wanted to do. but now, i'm so fed up with school, that i don't really care what i do anymore as long as i finish. that's the worst advice ever. so i changed it to sociology. the good news is, since i changed it i only need 18 units to graduate. which means i'll be done by the end of this year. i'm guessing i won't even use my degree once i'm done w/ school. the sad thing is, if i could do it all over i would. i fucked up big time, and spent thousands of dollars on something that i'll probably never use. all to just make my mom happy because she just wants to see her daughter graduate. and what's killing me is this math class that i'm in. it scares the shit out of me because my life is pretty much depending on this 1 math class that i'm barely passing on. i'm struggling so much with it and there's no way i can drop it. if i drop it and retake it during the fall then i'll end up having to take probably 6 classes in the fall. major overload if u add 40+ hours of work to that each week. to top it off, i have the worst teacher in the world. our tests are 60% of our grade, which is what's killing me. math is so time consuming. and harder when you're also taking 4 other classes. anyways, i'm praying that i pass. anyway, getting this close to graduation makes me thing about work. i love my job. i've been there for 3 years and i'm good at what i do. the downside of it is that i think i get majorly underpaid. the thing is, we go to school, get a degree, so that we can have a career and get a good job. i need a good steady job where i don't have to worry about my finances all the time. where i have sick leave, or vacation time, where i get paid salary. but then again, how many of us can say that we have a job that we really love. and that's the thing for me. i can go out there and find a better paying job w/ benefits. but will i enjoy my work? or will i just dread going to work everyday? work has been so stressful lately. they put a lot of pressure on me. i basically do everything around the office. i've been there the longest. and i love it. but when i think into the future, i wonder, where is this really going? its like, to be continued. on another note, this guy that i was really into back then, that i'm sure i talked about was here for a while. i was seriously afraid that we would jump back into what we had. but the storm has passed. and i'm glad. i guess we both have changed. i was watching sex and the city and this quote got stuck in my head. " in matters of the heart, is it better to follow your head or your heart" something like that. it's always smarter to follow your head. because it always tells you the right thing to do even if u dont wanna hear it. but then u always follow ur heart. because the heart wants what it wants. no matter how painful it might be. so this lonliness or emptiness, that i like to call it, hasn't gotten any better. the more i think about it, the more it eats away at me. its been almost 8 months since i've had any type of feelings for anyone. or felt any type of connection to anyone. also, i've been thinking a lot about how the only person that we really have to depend on is ourselves. in the end we're all on our own. and now i'm just rambling.this isn't even half the stuff i wanted to write about. but i'm running out of time. til next time..