A Lot

so it seems like i always have a lot on my mind but i just always seem to have trouble gettin it down on paper. ever since i was a kid i always had a journal. and i always wrote in it. actually, i still have one. lol. but i just dont have time to write in it as often. so i write in it like maybe once every 6 months. so they're some long ass entries. i guess that's what this blogger's for. for my thoughts. mr. gorgeous aka truth tweeted this quote that really made me think & sounds like me.. Which is why I write when i dont feel like writing, because I might find out shit about myself that I never, ever, knew. -Reg E. Gaines definitely a good one. so anyway, this whole week i haven't been feeling that great. it started out w/ my throat hurting. then all of a sudden i kept feeling like i had a huge cut on my tongue in the back. and it hurt and burns so badly. like i can't even eat cuz it hurts so bad. it even hurts when i talk. so i havent really eaten much at all for this whole week now. it sucks so bad. if u know me, u know that i get sick. a lot. sucks even more that i dont have health insurance. a person like me definitely needs that. so my mom calls me this week and told me that she's getting me health insurance. thank god. if u also don't know, my mom's really good at reading about ur future and ur palm. she's pretty accurate that it's scary. when she read my palm she told me that it's changed a lot since i was a kid. i told her the whole situation about school. i really didn't want 2 because i hate more than anything having her worry about me. i told her i might not finish for another 3 yrs. but when she read my palm she said that i will finish. and i know i will. i have to. she also said that i go through so many break ups before i get married. awesome right.& she says that im always worried. she thinks im always worried about money. but thatz not even half of it. i didnt tell her why. so then she reads my cards. and this is tha scary part. so she tells me theres this one guy, that likes me, & he lives really far away that likes me. she described him just the way he looks, and said that, but, theres another girl in tha picture. i was like wtf. cuz there is a guy im talking to that lives far away but i never told her about him. then she said theres another guy that likes me a lot. and he lives here. but i dont like him. lmao. oh man. sounds familiar. then she told me that i have so many guys chasing me yet, why am i still single? itz a lot more complicated than that mom. there might be a lot of guys chasing me, but that doesn't mean they're all good. i'd rather be single then be w/ a guy that i know is just messing w/ my heart & playing w/ my emotions. y would i want 2 put myself through that? in my mom's point of view and my grandma's they always think that u need a man in ur life to support u. but i dont see it that way. every time i see them they always ask me if i have a bf yet. but i dont care about that stuff. i dont need a guy to support me. i can take care of myself. i dont want to depend on anyone. it really made me think a lot. she also said that i still miss some1. i know who's she's talking about..i dont think that will ever go away but i've learned to dealt w/ it. dont get me wrong, i do get lonely sometimes. and itz a little harder when i see how happy all my friends are w/ their boyfriends. a part of me is starting to lose faith in love and doesn't really believe that it exists anymore. i dont really know what it is anymore. but im not really in a rush anymore. and i shouldnt have to look. i just need 2 concentrate on more important things. like school. anyway, i gotta cut this short. back 2 work. peace out, and god bless.